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Financial Abuse in Marriage and Divorce

Updated: Oct 21

A woman worried about finances

When most people think of abuse, they think of physical or emotional. But one of the most common, and least acknowledged, forms of control is financial abuse.


At its core, financial abuse happens when one partner uses money to trap, manipulate, or weaken the other. It’s not really about dollars and cents - it’s about power.

That power can show up in many ways - whether it’s blocking access to money, creating debt, or controlling how financial decisions get made. In marriage and in divorce, these tactics can look different, but the abuser’s goal is the same: control the victim and prevent them from having any autonomy.


That’s why research shows financial abuse appears in nearly every case of domestic violence (about 99%) making it one of the most pervasive yet overlooked forms of control.


In Marriage


Financial abuse can show up in both subtle and obvious ways. Some examples include:


  • Controlling all the accounts and refusing to share passwords

  • Withholding money needed for everyday essentials

  • Forcing a spouse to hand over their paycheck, or discouraging them from working at all

  • Opening credit cards or loans in a spouse’s name without their knowledge

  • Controlling how every dollar is spent


The pattern is clear: one partner holds all the financial power, with each control tactic chipping away at independence until the victim is rendered dependent, feeling trapped and unable to leave.


During Divorce


Unfortunately, when a marriage ends, the financial control often escalates. This might look like:


  • Cutting off access to joint accounts or credit cards

  • Refusing to pay household bills they’d always covered before

  • Hiding assets, moving money, or underreporting income

  • Delaying or withholding child support or spousal support until a judge forces payment


These tactics are designed to pressure the other spouse into giving in quickly, or accepting less than what’s equitable, simply because they can’t afford to fight.


What You Can Do


If you recognize yourself in these examples, know that you are not alone - and that what’s happening is not your fault. Financial abuse thrives in silence, so the first step is simply acknowledging what’s happening. From there, you can begin taking action to protect yourself.


Here are some steps that can help:


  • Build a support team. Reach out to trusted friends, family, a therapist, or professionals like a financial coach, attorney, or advocate who understands these dynamics.

  • Secure your name on accounts. Confirm you’re listed on joint bank accounts, mortgages, and major assets (like the house deed).

  • Obtain and secure log-ins. Keep a safe record of online banking, retirement, and insurance credentials. If you’re an account holder, you are entitled to your own login, not just shared access.

  • Open an account of your own. Even a small balance helps begin rebuilding independence.

  • Check your credit. Request a free credit report to see if any accounts or loans have been opened in your name without your knowledge.

  • Preserve records. When it’s safe to do so, keep records of financial accounts, debts, and household bills. If direct access isn’t possible, know that attorneys and courts can subpoena these documents later - so your safety comes first.

  • Speak with an attorney. In many cases, courts consider financial abuse when reviewing support or property division, though laws vary by state. An attorney can guide you on your specific rights.


Taking even one small step can shift the balance of power and help you begin reclaiming control.

💡 Pro Tip

If you’re a joint account holder, you are legally entitled to your own online login. Financial institutions typically issue separate credentials for each account holder - just ask or look to create your own login on the vendor’s website. Relying only on your spouse’s login leaves you vulnerable if they change the password or restrict access.

Resources


If you are in immediate danger, call 911.


For confidential support and guidance, you can reach out to:



Financial abuse isn’t just about money - it’s about control. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward protecting yourself and reclaiming your financial freedom.

If you see yourself in any of these examples, know you’re not alone. At Clarity Financial Wellness, I provide financial coaching and analysis to help clients uncover the full financial picture, organize what may feel overwhelming, and prepare clear information to support their legal team. My role is not to provide legal or investment advice, but to give you clarity and confidence as you move forward. If you’re ready for support, reach out here.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as legal, financial, or mental health advice. Everyone’s situation is unique. For advice about your specific circumstances, please consult a qualified attorney, financial professional, or licensed counselor.

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